What Child is This?

I can not remember the entire conversation or the original subject.  I remember the moment that the woman sitting across from me said, “Penny was a mistake.”  (Name changed for privacy.)  She was referring to her adult daughter who was sitting next to her.  I remember the look on Penny’s face.  She had been punched in the gut by an invisible fist that never withdrew.

This was personal.  My heart ached for Penny.  Though these words were never said to me about me, I have carried a similar message around with me for most of my life.  They weren’t communicated so much by words, but by actions.  Maybe you recognize messages like this:

You are a mistake.
I wish you were never born.
You are inconvenient.
You are not worth the time.
You are a hassle.
You are worthless.
You do not matter.
You are stupid.

There are so many other damaging messages that we can receive from a parent, some may be unintentional, that affect how we see ourselves.  My messages were, “You are too much trouble, and not worth the time.”  Every time my dad did not acknowledge my birthday, I heard those words.  Every Christmas he did not call, I heard those words.  Every time he said, “I will call you next week,” and months passed without a call, I heard those words.  Every time he ignored my phone calls, I heard those words.  When I did not see or hear from him for 13 years, I heard those words.

They were lies.

The circumstances surrounding your birth do not determine your value.  It does not matter if you were unplanned, unwanted, or unloved by the people around you.  It does not matter if adults fought about you or you were sent away.  You are not a mistake.  You may have been unplanned or unwanted by man, but you were foreseen, planned, and wanted by God.  In Psalm 139:13 (NIV), a king named David wrote about God, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”  This is also true for you.  Regardless of what your parents did, God pieced you together with everything He wanted you to have, so that you would be able to do everything He wants you to do for this world that He placed you in.

Penny is the result of an unplanned pregnancy.   I also had an unplanned pregnancy.  This is what I told Penny, my son, and what I will tell you.  You are a gift.  You are a blessing.  Your parents may have made a mistake that resulted in pregnancy, but your existence is not a mistake. You are evidence that God can take bad situations and turn them into something good, great, beautiful.  You have purpose.  You matter.  You are loved.

So am I.